How Not To Seduce A Woman

Just wanted to share this little exchange with you all. Most of you will only get a chuckle out of this. Some of you could use this as an example of what not to do, and learn from this. This is a chat that I participated in on OMGPOP. I’ll interrupt it on occasion to point out just what this guy is doing wrong. Keep in mind that this is the first time I’ve ever heard from this guy. I thought about editing his name so as not to be mean, but fuck it. He doesn’t deserve my sympathy. Nothing in this is edited, apart from removing time codes.

John N(8524): hi sexy

KristenO: hiya

John N(8524): how r u doing

KristenO: pretty good

KristenO: you?

John N(8524): im ok

John N(8524): r u single

KristenO: yeah

John N(8524): ok were u from

KristenO: new mexico… and you?

John N(8524): nyc

KristenO: cool

John N(8524): can i tell u something but u can not get mad at me ok

KristenO: sure

John N(8524): im looking at ur pics an i got horny baby

Q&A: Girth

ShylyAnonymous sent me this: I apologize if this is a silly question or one that isn’t relevant, but in your FAQ I noticed you talked about your ideal penis length, but does thickness matter to you? If so, how? I’m a bit embarrassed to admit this (though perhaps I shouldn’t be given the relative anonymity of the Internet, and your very welcoming and supportive atmosphere here), but I’m a virgin long after most of western society would probably say is “normal” for a guy. I guess I just figured getting a little more knowledge might help me feel a little more prepared or less anxious. Thanks for the time and the compelling content you create. It seems pretty rare to find someone as articulate, open, and thoughtful as you.

First off, thanks for all the compliments! I’m very glad you enjoy reading what I write, and very happy that I can pass on something that people might find useful.

I’m going to skirt around the main question for a moment and address something else you mentioned. Getting more knowledge about sex can definitely enhance your enjoyment, but you’re never going to really be prepared for your first time, and you’ll definitely be anxious or nervous. The best thing you can do to perform better and with more confidence is really just start doing it. You’ll learn more from experience than I can ever shed light on, and the more you do it, the better you’ll get.

Alright, the reason I don’t talk about my ideal thickness or girth is that, while it matters, it’s difficult for me to judge. People sometimes ask me about the size of cocks of the guys I fuck as if I pull out a tape measure just before he enters me. I don’t. Mostly what I judge on is rough comparisons of how the guy feels compared to some of my toys. I know how long each of my toys is, because, well, that’s how they’re advertised. If girth was mentioned on the packaging, I don’t remember. Thickness is important, because it’s not just how deep the dick can press, it’s also about how well it fills the space inside. For both guys and girls, the tighter the fit, the better. Or at least, that’s my view. Really what it all comes down to for girth is much the same as what it comes down to for length. There’s too big and there’s too small… but there’s a wide range in between that’s good to great. And, in both cases, I’ve very rarely come across anyone outside of that margin.

So relax, and go find yourself a girl!

Q&A: Blow Job Style

First off, I want to apologize to all of you for the lack of updates lately. Things have been busy, most notably because of my recent birthday. I should be back on track, with Q&A questions answered twice a week and perhaps some additional content very soon!

JimmyT wants to know: what kind of blowjob girl are you? are you the sloppy spit girl? are you the tongue girl? are you the deepthroater? how would you describe your oral skills?

Really, I guess it all depends on a number of factors. Most important is the guy and how much I know about what he likes and how he responds to what I do. A lot of that also depends on his mood, my mood, the general situation, and other factors like that.

For example, when the main goal is teasing, I guess I’m more of the tongue girl. I’ll kiss the tip and slowly swirl my tongue around it. I’ll take long, slow licks up and down the shaft. Things like that. But that will come after lots of kisses and licks and nibbles on your thighs and all around your hard (or hardening) cock.

Q&A: Picking Up Girls

I’m kind of surprised that wolfalone was the first to ask this: I’ve always been shy throughout my life and I am currently struggling with picking up women at bars and clubs. I can talk but, start to eventually get really nervous and unsure what to say after the opening statement. I’ve been a huge fan of yours for a long time Kristen, and I wasn’t sure if maybe you could give me some pointers that may help me?

Well, I’ll try to help as much as I can, but there’s only so much I can do. Every girl is different, and every situation is different. I’ll give you some general pointers based on what I like, but ultimately, when it comes down to it, you’re on your own.

Be confident. This sounds hard, but it will come with practice. Actually, thinking about it, a little nervousness is good. A guy who’s completely sure of himself is probably some kind of player. If all you’re interested in is fucking her once, then go with it. If you think you’d at least like to see her again, drop the master of the universe act. A little nervousness is kinda cute. It also lets the girl know that you think she’s something special, that you care whether or not she’ll like you. This is a good thing. But being too nervous is going to result in failure. Err on the side of confidence. Be sure of yourself, but don’t let her think that she’s the next in a series of conquests. Keep eye contact as much as you can; just don’t give her the impression that you’re a psycho stalker.

Keep the talk light. Especially at the beginning. Politics, religion, or any other divisive topic should be off limits. This can include sports, depending on where you’re at. Talk about her job, her family, her friends, where she’s from, etc. Which brings us to…

Keep the focus on her. While trying to stay confident, it’s easy to try to impress her any way you can. Don’t. Confidence does not mean full of yourself. You’re interested in her, remember? She’ll be impressed that this impressive guy wants to know about her, rather than this impressive guy wants her to know how impressive he is. Don’t brag, especially if you’re well within your rights. If volleyball comes up, sure, tell her that you used to play. If she bites and asks for more, then you can tell her that you’ve won several championships. But then quickly get the spotlight back on her. Deviations are fine, but always come back to her. Besides, the more she’s talking about herself, the less you have to worry about how impressive you’re being.

Little Help?

I’m working on a new Q&A post, and, while I could do this on my own, I want to see what you all will come up with. I want you (yes, you!) to find me the sexiest pictures and videos you can find for these fine ladies:

1. Scarlett Johansson
2. Kat Dennings
3. Emma Stone
4. Eva Green
5. Malin Akerman
6. Olivia Wilde
7. Christina Hendricks
8. Megan Fox
9. Jennifer Lawrence
10. Amber Heard
11. Alice Eve

Leave a comment below with the link, or send it via Twitter, or any other way you can. Make sure to let me know who you’re showing me. I want to see just how sexy and dirty these girls can be! Don’t disappoint me, boys!

Q&A: Threesome TittyFuck

avon5735 wanted to know: Have you been tittyfucked while another woman is cupping your breasts and then after the man climaxes, the other woman lick the semen off your breasts, then you reverse roles?

This is a pretty specific question, so I’ll have to get a little graphic. I know you all will hate that, won’t you? We’ll break this down into five parts.

1) Have you ever been tittyfucked…: Absolutely! I’ve talked before about having my tits fucked and how much I like have a big hard cock sliding between my big soft tits. Do a search on this blog and you’re sure to find many mentions of it. In fact, I’ve even done a full article about it.

2) …while another woman is cupping your breasts…: Yes. I’ve had my share of threesomes with a guy and a girl, and this has happened. Again, I love it. My roomie Katie especially knows how to play with my tits (tweaking nipples, licking, etc.) while holding them together for that guy’s dick. And I love just lying back and letting it happen.

3) …and then after the man climaxes…: Of course I’ve let guys cum over my tits, especially when it’s caused by him fucking them.

4) …the other woman lick the semen off your breasts…:

Q&A: Sexual Disappointment

Got a question from Lexy, who wants to know: When was the last time you were disappointed by a guy. Meaning you went on a date, he was very hot. But then ended up having a small penis and/or was bad in bed?

I guess the last time would be about 5 months ago. This guy was hot and a great flirt. I had a great time with him on the date. We went to a show, then a late dinner, then he asked me back to his place. There was no reason on my radar to say no.

At his place, he continued with the flirting, and we both continued drinking, and things got intimate. He obviously had a thing for my tits. He wouldn’t leave them alone! Normally, my tits love attention, but this guy was a little too focused on them. It felt good, but I really wanted him to explore the rest of my body. A couple of times, I took his hand an slid it between my legs, but he quickly found his way back to my tits.

When our clothes came off, he got on top of me in a missionary position. Nothing wrong with that! He stuck his cock into my pussy and began fucking away. His cock was probably a little smaller than average, but still a fine size. The problem was that he quickly got into a rhythm and never changed it. It was fairly fast, definitely more fucking than making love. He came fairly quickly. Not early or anything, just not particularly long lasting.

All in all, there wasn’t anything particularly bad about this guy, but there definitely wasn’t anything particularly good, either. It was very humdrum and dull. It felt good, but it wasn’t really fun. After the fun I had talking and flirting with him, it was a pretty big disappointment. I haven’t gone out with him since.

Anyone else have any tales to share?